i feel guilty because in this
timeline i am living someone else’s
dream and/or/but wasn’t it my dream, too?
wasn’t it my dream first, lungs filling
with water and/or/but air,
there’s a point in the ocean that
is as far as anyone can get to being
away from anywhere, or anyone,
it’s said to be farthest from anywhere,
farther than space, if you were to find
yourself there, no one could come to
rescue you, no one would dare,
you wouldn’t be able to come back,
once, someone asked me
how far can you go before you
reach the point of being
unable to return home
i told them from here
and/or/but cat’s got my tongue
i remember almost-drowning
when i was younger,
in Hậu’s pool, i jumped in
without knowing english or
how to swim, i think i was 5
and/or/but 6, memory fails here,
Bác Năm jumped in to save me,
he sacrificed a wallet, keys,
a flip phone and/or/but water
filling my lungs,
my stepsister died in the same
way before i was born and/or/but
water filling her lungs,
my then father, then alive,
then a fisherman, then my
poor, poor father, before
he became my father: he
fished in oceans that later
would carry his ashes,
and/or/but how far can you go
before you reach the point of
being unable to return home?
there are some years between now
and/or/but then, from the window, i
watch a water buffalo chewing
some grass and/or/but debris, my
lungs filling, living someone
else’s dream
and/or/but in this timeline.
Blue Đào Nguyễn (IG: @blue.ngu) is a Vietnamese-Teochew (潮州話) non-binary lesbian poet, artist, and organizer. Their work, inspired by cartography and Vietnamese architectural symbolism, explores grief, prayer, and livelihood through poetry, oral history, and traditional Viet woodworking & fiber art, using organic materials. Material as altar : Poetics as prayer. Author of Hey Siri, What Time is it in Vietnam? (GameOverBooks, 2025) and an Associate Editor at Iron Horse Literary Review their work is featured in Foglifter, Palette Poetry, & more. They’re a fellowship/scholarship/residency recipient of Kundiman, LAMBDA Literary, Fine Arts Work Center. More of their work can be found at bluenguyen.com.
